领悟

辛晓琪-领悟

我以为我会哭
但是我没有
我只是怔怔望着你的脚步
给你我最后的祝福
这何尝不是一种领悟
让我把自己看清楚
虽然那共爱的痛苦
将日日夜夜
在我灵魂最深处
我以为我会报复
但是我没有
当我看到我深爱过的男人
竟然像孩子一样无助
这何尝不是一种领悟
让你把自己看清楚
被爱是奢侈的幸福
可惜你从来不在乎
啊!一段感情就此结束
啊!一颗心眼看要荒芜
我们的爱若是错误
愿你我没有白白受苦
若曾真心真意付出
就应该满足
啊!多么痛的领悟
你曾是我的全部
只是我回首来时路的每一步
都走的好孤独
啊!多么痛的领悟
你曾是我的全部
只愿你挣脱情的枷锁
爱的束缚任意追逐
别再为爱受苦

X.A.M

The fuss over Xam has finally reach double bar line.

It has been a week since Xam's appearance. Xam pronounced as /sæm/ (a.k.a Roger) is a Golden Retriever, approximately 7 months old (it's just my guess, but i know he's still a pup, not full grown yet). Last week while taking Max (A labrador retriever) for a walk, Xam turned up from no where. Xam was wet and stinky, must be lost for quite awhile. Then, he followed Max around, unwilling to leave. So, in the end got no choice but to take him home. Miraculously, Max befriended Xam instantly. Max is an unsocialized dog, he's a real loner. Anyway, they are excited with each other's company, but, to our surprise, no, more to a "sunny sky thunder roars" to Max's daddy, Max is trying to ... u know... show some 'affection' towards Xam. (In fact, a little too much of love..) How can?! Max is gay.. *pengsan* (I guess sodomization is the latest trend in my country now, Max is really up-to-date.)

Anyway, let's continue the story. Thus, both Max and Xam became friends and 'partners'. Initially we do not know what's Xam's name. Tried many names, eg: rocky, lucky, golden, baby, ah wong, chun choy, ahmad, fei cai, happy... He responded to none, except to stare at you in a blank face. As a result, I decided to name him Xam. It's the retrogate of Max, so Max and Xam. After a bit of training, he actually responded accurately everytime when I say 'Xam'.

Xam is a well-trained and well-taken-cared dog. How do we realized that?

#1: Although Xam was very wet and dirty when we first saw him, he has beautiful fur and clean ears

#2: Xam understood commands like 'sit', 'hand', 'come'...

#3: He is very patient and elegant when he goes out for a walk. Even when he pee and poo, you can tell that he's different from other dogs.

#4: His back legs and hip is a little crooked, the porpotion has a bit of problem, probably due to the type of floor he walk on since young is slippery. That's why his back leg looks a bit 'kang kang'.

#5: When I open the car door, straight away he'll slip into the car and sit diam diam at the back seat, which means he is used to go makan angin in the car. The worse part is to get Xam out of the car. He enjoys it too much, unwilling to leave the car.

#6: He loves to be groomed. Due to his fur is too wet and tangle, so I tried to use hairdryer to dry him. (Thanks to Valerie, I know slight knowledge on pet grooming. hehe.) He just sits still and follow whatever you wants to do. Right leg up, left ear, chest, tail.. He'll let you groom freely. Probably he's used to going pet saloon every week for his hair wash, spa routines.

See? From the evidences I've provided, it's not difficult to conclude that Xam comes from a well off family and he obviously don't know the way home. (Cause he never step out of the house without a chauffeur) hehe.

Xam is friendly, fun and has a big heart. He hardly barks at anyone, only heard once when he fought with Max to grab attention. Xam has a happy-go-lucky personality. He never keeps his frustration or sad if you scold him. (in another way, he's quite a dumb dumb. Scold also not scared!) On the other hand, he's quite naughty in the sense that he likes to chew and bite! haiyo, he's a huge destroyer. Materials from wood, metal, cotton, sponge, plastic... semua pun habis dimusnahkan. But still, he's adorable!! Heart melt when see him.. so manja... Oh ya, another of his hobby is sleep! (Just like phungy :p) The way he sleep is sooo cute. Ok, let me describe. Have you saw or ate roast pork before? Usually chinese roast a whole pork and used it as prayers purposes. When he lie down or sleep, he look exactly like the roast pork on the plate. Except that he can be a nice, warm, furry leg comforter. hehe. Cute!!!

Another of Xam's favourite activity is to play 'catch' with Max. A ball is thrown and the dogs are suppose to catch and return to the owner. Max is a champion in this game. He is fast, accurate and alert. He never missed his catch. However, Xam is always trailing behind Max and chasing around, not knowing how to catch the ball. I guess this is due to Xam's plump body (unlike Max's atheletic build) and Xam's a dumb blur dog.

In this one short week, Xam and Max play together, take walks together, eat together, sleep together, drink together, fight together, bath together, etc... at last got to know each other better. Then, this morning, I have unexpected visitors pressing doorbell. It's two guys standing at the front gate, claiming Xam is their lost dog. I was very blur (still in pajamas ler), and agreed to let Xam go with them. I thought I heard them calling him 'Roger'. Xam (roger) seems quite excited and did his signature rolling on the floor. Just like that, I let Xam go with them. I regretted a bit for not checking this matter more clearly. Should have asked him about Xam's characteristics or questioned on how they lost their dog.

Max seems to know his friend has left him and went back home. He's moody the whole day. Well, I missed Xam (Roger now) too. Missed his companion, naughtiness, beautiful coat, friendly eyes and blur look. I should have given the comb, bowl, chain, food, shampoo that we bought for him to his original owner. I missed him terribly when I look at his stuffs. Xam's one week escapades is over and I really hope that he enjoyed his stay with us. We will miss you, Xam! :)

- XOXO -

Bobby Chen in concert

On Sunday (Aug 24th), Bobby Chen appeared at Dewan Jubilee Perak at Shah Alam. He gave a one and a half hour piano recital. His repertoires are:

1) Beethovan - Sonata Op. 13 'Pathetique'

2) Prokofiev - Romeo and Juliet: 10 pieces for piano Op.75

3) Schubert - Impromptus Op. 90

4) Chopin - Nocturne Op. 9

5) Chopin - Ballade Op. 23 No.1 in G minor

Actually, I didnt know about this concert until last Friday. It was very last minute, but I decided to attend since it's such a rare occasion to see Bobby Chen in Malaysia. Thanks to Xin Ying that I knew about this concert. (No posters at UPM .. ish..!)

Anyway, I have a few complains about this concert. Not about Bobby Chen's playing of course. But a few unsatisfactions that I really need to voice out! I had a difficult and painful time watching this recital. Very PIK CIK! Again, not Bobby Chen's fault...

1) The venue

Not suitable for piano recital. The auditorium is big and grand, however it's too big for a piano recital. Many seats were spoilt and the place is not well-maintained. This place can be very good if the people in charge made an effort to improve it. But, I still think, this hall is better for theatre work rather than piano recital. Oh ya, forgot to mention the time of this concert. It's 4pm in the evening! Weird! First time i heard matinee concert is at 4pm. weird!

2) The piano & audio system

Since the auditorium is big, it makes sense that the piano should be bigger! They only provide a medium grand for poor Bobby Chen. (approx. 5 feet 7?) How to project his sound la?! Well, at least a concert grand la! kiam siap.. some more this event is organized by.. Y****a.. haih.. So since the piano sound is not well projected, they did an amazing job by putting mics to enhance the sound. I think (based on the knowledge that I learned from music technology class) the placing of microphones is incorrect and does not aid the enhancement of sound. During the first half, piano sounded thin and weak. But, I think they did something with the equalizer, so second half sounded better.

3) The audience

This is the WORST PART of the whole concert. I don't understand the organizers actually. They do not remind the audience to switch off mobile phones, to remain seated during the concert unless emergency and to keep quiet! I understand that many local people do not have enough exposure and understanding towards classical music. I completely understand this. However, they should at least know the ethics of being an audience?! The most basic manners should be respectful towards the performer. During the entire concert, children and adults were walking in and out of the hall and creating unnecessary noise. They were talking and fumbling around. This actually disturbs the performer's concentration and mood A LOT! (Not only audiences, even the organizers/people in charge were doing this too! For goodness sake, manners! You don't do that in cinema, do you?) Many times I noticed Bobby Chen felt uneasy, annoyed and distracted due to the audience's disturbance. But, I should admit that, all this while he is very gentleman and patient! For me, I will be absolutely furious and pissed off.

Another thing is, the audiences keep on clapping for every movement. haih. You know there's 10 pieces in Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet. They clapped for every single one. *pengsan* Their applause sounded more like 'oh, faster la, finally finish! har, got some more ah?'. Not sincere at all! And I hear children saying: very boring la.. (Of course la, this kind of music only aunty like me will listen) Luckily Bobby Chen understood that his fellow Malaysian friends are not so 'cultured' (Sorry, I have to say like that, but it's a fact).

Anyway, after babbling so much on the negative points of this concert. There sure are some good ones. Well, of course Bobby Chen's playing was superb. He has a sensitive touch and beautiful tone. Personally, I thought played romantic pieces very well. I don't really like his Beethovan 'Pathetique' compared to the other repertoires he performed. He sounded timid and shy, unlike Beethovan's moody personality and contrasted dynamics. I love the Romeo and Juliet suite by Prokofiev. Very interesting work. I've heard the orchestra version, but this is the first time I've heard the piano version. Gonna find the scores! Then, he played Schubert and Chopin. I enjoyed the second half much better than the first half. (Partly because I went in front to a better view and better sound seat.) Bobby Chen's fingers and glide across the keyboard swiftly and rapidly like a gust of air but the sound were as sparkling as crystal and as flow as water. Incredible finger technique and strength. I think he is more specialized in romantic music.

This is the second time I've heard Bobby Chen. The first time was at MPO two years ago. He played Rachmaninov's 32 variations on a theme of Paganini. He has a good tone and control, but shy. I guess, this is his personality. He is really nice when I walked up and talked to him. Very polite, but he said "I've got to bend down a bit" while taking photograph with me. HMPH! hehe. Yala, I'm short ... ;(

Very tired after complaining and grumbling about the concert. I'm glad that I attended and thoroughly enjoyed Bobby Chen's playing. Like I mentioned, although this event was not so formal, and many parents brought their children for 'exposure'. In my opinion, experience and exposure are vital, however, choosing the right concert/event is equally important! In addition, manners is another chapter we have to learn in our moral studies.

Lastly: poor Bobby Chen ...