Help! @#$%&*%()

@#$%^*%#)%!@(#%$#$&%U$(&$)@#$!@#%)^#!@#_%$#($^&%_&)!+@)~*!(#&%$@ #_$^~!@#@#%(@)#$^($#!)@)~(!)@*$(@&#$)^(#_!)*~(!&#%($ #_&)^_&*$(()@~!!!!

Very sorry. That's a long list of vulgar language. *deep breathe*

I need to calm down. Got a bad headache now. Forgive me if I'm speaking weirdly or insanely or nonsense.. But I can't stand it! In a bad mood today. Scolded my students. I only started teaching at 7.15pm today. So my working hours is 7.15-10.15pm for today. You must be thinking, aiyah, 3 hours only mah. so short.. syok la.. WALAUEHHH!!! You are so wrong!

Within this 3 hours I need to face 6 students, not to mention controlling other kids whose running around and screaming. Ok. I admit, I am very fierce and I cannot stand kids running and screaming. I will get sooooo irratated and my temper just blew off. I have my job pressure too!!!

In a month's time I have 18 students taking exams? I lost count myself. 3 theory students taking exam on 1 Nov and the rest taking piano exams end of the month. Everybody is so not ready! Help me! I only see them once a week, what can you expect me to do? miracles?! Especially parents. I only meet your child for 1 hour a week, you see your kids all the time. Can't you do something to help them or make them practice?! You think you pay me then expect me to do all the work for you? Excuse me, I'm responsible to TEACH your kids how to play the piano and how to appreciate music. I'm NOT a metronome to keep time, I'm NOT an alarm clock keep reminding your child to WAKE UP, most importantly I'm NOT their parents! I know being an educator is not easy. I always tell myself to be patient, to be more friendly, to be calm, to be nice, to be cool, to be flexible, to love, to teach. I'm a human too, teachers are not God.

I'm becoming a 'cheong hei' ah por now. I can SEE myself in that state of madness, messy hair, grumpy face, shouting, pounding fist and jumping up and down in anger. I don't want to be like that. I know I'm getting a teacher burned out. I always get that every few months. I don't have space to breath. Sometimes I really hope that I don't see my students. Just GO AWAY! LEAVE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY OF YOUR FACES!!!!

I always believe that I can do more than being an ordinary piano teacher. Teach you read ABCDEFG, sing Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do, count 1234. That is just the basic. More importantly, I think being an educator is to educate, not teach. There's difference. Sometimes I rather waste a whole lesson not teaching piano but understanding my student. Give counselling sessions, knowing their background, love them for who they are no matter how gifted or how problematic they are, sharing their secrets, giving advice (from love, fashion, studies, latest movies or games, future career), showing them their talent and appreciating their positive traits. Oh, God knows how much an educator can do.

I cannot be a perfect person, neither a perfect teacher. I always feel bad after scolding, who enjoy being angry and looks like an ugly old witch? I know I shouldn't have lost my temper, I'll try my best next time. Lately, I realise my own problem, I lose temper easily. Haih. I guess I need to regenerate myself and cleanse my soul a bit. I need to sit down and think, what are the best ways to cure these children. Most of them have the same problem. Kids nowadays are very difficult to teach. I face the same problem EVERYDAY. If I continue working like that, I guess my life will be shortened at least 10%.

OK. Feeling slightly better after releasing my stress here. No wonder there's an article saying that writing blog is actually good for mental health. I hope I can have a good sleep tonight. Another long day tomorrow. Hope it'll be a better one.

~ To learn is to teach, to teach is to learn~